TIC MARK series* - Social Networking - Some Ham on SPAM

*Tongue in Cheek Marketing Article of the Rare Kind


Social Networking – Some Ham on SPAM

Everyone knows that the best way to let people know about your products and services is to annoy them with unsolicited messages telling them nothing useful.

But if you don’t believe me, then go ahead, miss out on all the nasty thoughts your product would get if you don’t use such tried and true methods like:

Buy leads!! Make sure they are people who were naive enough to fill out an offer for something FREE. After all the best way to make sure you will be targeting a good demographic is to make sure they want FREE stuff. People who buy stuff are not at all the kind of folks you would like to attract to your business. You want someone who not only knows nothing about you and your opportunity, but also someone who will be getting multiple offers from the hundreds of other people who also bought that list. This way they will surely cave in and say “yes” because it is a known fact that people do not like to say “no” more than twice in a row, so it makes perfect sense that if you send 3 emails a day to the same person you will get one yes every day!!!

Join HUNDREDS of forums, and lurk around the Newbie corner and greet everyone with the same post, something with spelling errors and poor grammar is sure to impress, but really, all you need to do is make sure you don’t read ANYTHING that anyone else has written, especially the ones whom you are greeting. Be sure to post as many of these cookie cutter posts with a link to the latest FREE opportunity you have joined, or better yet, two or three different ones so that you increase your odds of appealing to the idiotic, desperate or naïve that you prey upon.

Being an active member of a forum is sure to generate traffic to your site, but be sure to follow these simple guidelines to ensure you are maximizing your ability to annoy perfect strangers.

1) Use large, glittery signatures (the greater the resemblance to a black velvet painting on steroids the better) that take up vast amounts of space on the comment wall. If you can, come back with another one every day until the person leaves the forum.

2) Make it a routine to stop in at every person on your friend list and leave a disjointed and unrelated comment with a link to your latest opportunity. If you can get two or three different ones on each page everyday, just imagine what the price on your head could be!

3) When commenting on forum posts MAKE SURE you do not read any of the posts or the replies. Doing so would distract you with relevant information and allow you to deviate from the consistent form which will lend you the polish of a urinal. Simply say that you are so excited about the opportunity you found out about this morning and HAD to share the link. What better way to attract thoughtful and serious business builders.

(c) 2009 Laila Moysey
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Hope you enjoyed it...
Laila
www.greenMOMteam.com