What Is Your Perception Of Etiquette?

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Permalink Reply by Paulyih on June 19, 2009 at 5:34pm

The basic etiquette is first -- consideration of every cultural sphere and the norm. Regardless of the many global cultures. Within your immediate sphere.. there is the etiquette in entering say, a sports arena, into a theater, watching a play.. the level of noise, manner, demeanor, all will form part of the etiquette ... and etiquette are also changing dynamically by the day. Ex: in how to address people of color, in diversity, from the older terms of "negro", "Black" to the now "Afro-Americans". And what does that mean by Chicano, Mexican-American .. I am saying all of these is that we, collectively need to think, rethink, reflect and be introspective. These are the four basic thinking process for all to be better engaged of our own values and then the values of "others". At least, this is a start.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Janczak on June 22, 2009 at 7:41am

Yes Paulyih, etiquette as you rightly summed it is all about making people feel comfortable in your company and that includes knowing how things are done at particular places and time.
The thing is etiquette is ever changing and therefore the need for serious professionals to always find means to update and improve their professional etiquette.
Certainly like you said, addressing people is one big issue that has still not been taken seriously or is being acted in ignorance by some professionals.
This is another factor to know some level of inter cultural communication to help you know how to get along well with people of different cultures.
Thank you for your contribution.

Regards
Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Janczak on June 22, 2009 at 7:47am

That is it Jim!
Many find the word etiquette 'stuffy' as you rightly said yet it is a fact of life that makes you get along well with others in order to succeed in life.
Surely, etiquette entails all you mentioned, professionalism, diplomacy tact, humor (when done right), intelligence, integrity and yes a lot more.
Yet these, without calling them etiquette, are all that people are overlooking and act unprofessional in many way which eventually affects their bottom line.
It has been very nice reading from you Jim, thank you!

Regards
Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by Dr. Erica Goodstone on June 19, 2009 at 5:40pm

To me, etiquette involves being mindful of yourself in relation to others, learning as much as you can about their needs, desires, wants and personallity type, and tactfully approaching them rather than imposing your views and needs upon them. it involves the ability to be patient, respectful and assertive, but not aggressive, manipulative and overbearing. One who uses etiquette properly, affects others with their style, grace and diplomacy, creating an attraction magnet that is difficult to break.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Janczak on June 22, 2009 at 7:50am

Beautifully said Dr Goodstone!
It is all about being politely authentic and creating an indelible, positive image and reputation.
Thank you!

Regards
Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by Robert Sloan on June 19, 2009 at 5:43pm

It varies with the context. What's acceptable or not is always local -- and in business online it'll be local to the type of business and who your customers are.

Levels of formality vary. Being friendly and warm is effective across context but etiquette is about how it's expressed too and the same person's approach can be seen as too pushy or too cold depending on who you're approaching. So etiquette is a bit more fluid than a set of rules from Miss Manners.

Follow all of them to the letter and you may come off as way too fussy.

Internet etiquette opens up a whole variety of online situations that wind up again being sorted out by context. Check the rules of the site for things like that.

Some activities will hurt business in any context -- negative gossip is a warning sign to those with sense that they may become the next target.

Just a typical example of regional differences. In the South, children are encouraged to call their mother "Ma'am" and father "Sir" and this isn't seen as overly formal or distancing. A kid doing that to a parent in the North might shock them and get punished for being cold or sarcastic even if it's not meant as sarcasm at all because the kid thought it'd be cool to get that formal. Down South, if you meet an older married woman with children and grandchildren it's still appropriate to call her Miss even though she's married and prolific, it's a generic "Miss" that's a term of respect for a lady. Up in the North you might get clouted by a militant Ms.

So the way to judge etiquette for any business or social situation is to really pay attention to the people around you and identify the group's customs and commonalities.

Now being considerate is something else, a whole different kettle of fish that never goes wrong.

And nowhere online does "Spamming" get treated as appropriate. Nowhere I've ever been anyway because I probably wouldn't stay if it was, especially repeat spamming. This sometimes leaves me wondering about certain evangelists though -- don't they realize that Spamming reflects badly on their church and their deity?

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Janczak on June 22, 2009 at 8:04am

To me, Robert, etiquette must be seen as a way of life.
It is no use seeing them as just some set of rules,and I will repeat it as many times as I can.
Your ability to make people feel comfortable in your company is what is more important than just following rules blindly.
That does not mean that you have the license to misbehave, it does not also mean causing people to feel embarrassed or intimidated with your knowledge of the right thing.
With reference to addressing someone, different places have different was of addressing people that is why it is always a must to mention a title before a person's name when meeting for the first time and then you can further find out how the person would rather like you to call him or her.
As for good old spam, little said is better. However I will also agree and repeat here that spam is NEVER an accepted way of behavior be it spreading the good news or other!
I love your argument Robert!
Thanks for your contribution.

Regards
Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by William Downey on June 19, 2009 at 6:20pm

Marjorie,
My perception? Sadly lacking due to overscheduled families, lack of example and its not even taught in school.
I sat down at a business lunch today and one of the participants, sadly a senior executive and sitting across from me actually chewed with his mouth open and talked with his mouth full. Another member of the party spent a great deal of time texting, yet the discussion centered on his department's participation in a complex logistics move. I hesitate to think of what a mess this portion of the project may turn out to be.
Two weeks ago I was in court and a cell phone started ringing in the middle of proceedings. Court officers start each session with a lecture on proper court room etiquette and tell everyone to shut off cell phones or the judge will take them away. The offender a $300/hour attorney.
I know etiquette is vitally important for success, it is even taught to military officers.
yet every where we see a total lack of concern for others in church, in the office, at social gatherings and let's not forget on the road.
I like and agree with your quote.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Janczak on June 22, 2009 at 8:22am

Dear William,
I would like to refer to Ian McLauchlan's comment below because I also believe the same.
Etiquette certainly comes in two parts, the inherent and the rules.
Unfortunately some people just act in ignorance and others are just selfish and think only about themselves(my observation).
For the later, I sometimes feel it is a way of protection for themselves and their pride, thinking they can do whatever they want whenever they want because they have the power and the freedom to do so.
However they do not realize the ramifications of their actions.
Unfortunately, the technology age has also caused manners and etiquette to deteriorate dramatically and it is in our own interest to improve our manners and etiquette as adults and professionals whether we got the inherent etiquette or not, in order to achieve success in our lives.
Thank you and I appreciate your contribution.

Regards
Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by Ian McLachlan on June 19, 2009 at 7:07pm

Hi Marjorie,
For me etiquette comes in 2 parts. There is the 'inherent sense of etiquette' and there are the 'rules of etiquette' both essential, however, without the 'sense' the 'rules' can not be followed!
The 'sense of etiquette' are the values that we grow up with, these come from our social upbringing, that is, the values imparted by our parents, teachers, peers and social surroundings/interactions. These are fundamental to our approach and sense of right and wrong in the world as we see it, and govern our ability to deal with people, situations, and the rules whether written, verbal or implied.
Secondly are the 'rules of etiquette', these are not rules as such but more our ability to perceive any given situation and approach it with the appropriate 'etiquette'. That is to be able to 'sense' a given environment and apply the proper 'rules'.
This can only be applied through the use of the 'sense of etiquette' our values and upbringing teach us to evaluate any given situation and behave appropriately, certainly there are certain customs and social values that need to be brought into play, but if we are not aware that they are there we won't go looking for them let alone adhere to them.
All in all at the end of the day it comes back to the age old saying,
'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'
And this applies to all forms of endeavor.

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Permalink Reply by Marjorie Janczak on June 22, 2009 at 8:33am

I agree so much with you Ian!
Having been brought up to parents who served in the diplomatic service for Ghana around the world, manners and etiquette was no choice for me but a MUST.
As a teenager and in my early adult life, I tried as much as possible to rebel but now I appreciate all the effort my parents put into not giving up on me and bringing me up the way the knew I will benefit from later in my matured life.
So just as you rightly said, I also do not see etiquette as just some set of rules (although I did in those rebellious years), they are our ability to yes, perceive any given situation and approach it with the appropriate etiquette.
However, etiquette is ever changing and it is the more reason why professionals need to constantly improve their etiquette in order to know how to administer it in any situation.
Thank you for your wisdom and clear explanation.

Regards
Marjorie

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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Beasley on June 25, 2009 at 6:47am

I come from an era where you went to the grocery store and they carried out your bags to your car and ladies were always addressed as Maam and men were always addressed as Sir. Now you go to the store and the clerk is likely to be smacking on a big wad of gum and telling you to HURRY UP.

But regardless of how bad things have gotten elsewhere if we're to be considered professionals in our own business we have to be willing to do whatever we can to exhibit the same type of professionalism as we had back then. No matter how small our business is or what type of clients we have, it looks bad to use chat lingo and bad grammar and spelling. And we need to treat everyone with the same degree of respect as we want them to treat us with.

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