THE RIGHT TIME TO SHARE...FAMILY SECRETS

This would be a very difficult subject to share if the incidence hadn't happened 45 years ago. But through time, prayer and maturing, I would like to tell you about a situation in my life, and the wisdom I've learned from it.
45 years ago I was a young married woman with one son and was in labor birthing another. My husband was with me during the labor and birth, and went home shortly after. His story goes that he was sitting in the living room, with the door open, having a drink and a young woman came by. The result was drinking, intimacy and the conception of his third son. As a result of their actions, and upon learning of their indiscretion, my life was turned topsy-turvy. I also carried the secret of their liaison for 13 years, believing it was my fault for not being "woman" enough to hold my man.
Suffice it to say, I have experienced many, many circumstances during my life which I attribute the primary cause to the aforementioned situation. Yesterday, I received an e-mail from the mother of the child on his 44th birthday, offering an apology.
To say I was bowled over is an understatement. Although I have forgiven her, my ex-husband, and myself for all the pain and turmoil we caused our families and children, I learned that my family knew about the affair, but everyone kept their knowing from me; which brings me to the wisdom I would like to share.
Keeping secrets often do more harm than good. There was no one who would offer me the support or help I needed to stop the destructive course I was on. For whatever their reasons, everyone watched as I nearly destroyed our family, particularly my children. I am still digesting the surprise of the e-mail and all the implications contained within, but secrets can be more devastating than fire or flood.
Consider the alternative; the results may be painful, but 45 years is much too long a time for anyone to hurt.

Tags: destruction, families, pain, secrets, sharing

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Permalink Reply by Laila on March 11, 2009 at 9:15am: Secrets are so dangerous because they are inevitably hidden by small lies and as you know, there are no such things as small lies.

My father taught me something when he caught me in a lie at age 7. He sent me to my room where I quaked with fear, waiting for his tread on the stairs. He finally came, and he had a roll of cotton string with him. My young brain worried...will he beat me to death with string? (even though he had never hit me)

He told me to stand up, put my arms at my side. I did so, knees trembling. He proceeded to tie one loop of string around me.

"Lift your arms" he commanded.

I did and the string broke. He then tied TWO loops around me, and once again ordered me to raise my arms. Once again the string broke. He then tied FOUR loops around me and thus it continued until I could no longer lift my arms.

"That is what a lie does" he said. Holding up a pair of sissors he said "This is truth."

He then set me free and left the room.

It was a powerful lesson.

Thank you for sharing your life lesson with us, Paris.

Laila
www.greenMOMteam.com; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Paris E. Tompkins on March 11, 2009 at 4:30pm: Thank you, Laila,
I appreciate your sharing also. My secret didn't begin with a lie, but it was the perpetrator of many. My parents might have thought keeping the secret was helping to prevent pain and trauma, but it was helping to destroy me from within, which was more devastating. Paris; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Laila on March 11, 2009 at 5:02pm: Most secrets don't start with a lie...but most end up being surrounded by them.

I am glad you shared, Paris.; ▶ Reply to This