What is LONELINESS? It is not about being on your own.
What is LONELINESS? It is not about being on your own.
Many people enjoy being on their own and would choose this for themselves for at lest part of the time. They enjoy having their own space. They do not feel the need to have other people around all of the time to validate them or make them feel more comfortable.
If someone experiences feelings of LONELINESS; it is usually not influenced solely by where they are or whether other people are around. It is possible to be in a room full of people and still feel very much ALONE. You can be part of a social gathering and feel LONELY as you are on the periphery and not fully involved with what is going on.
This suggests that LONELINESS is a state of mind. It is tied up with how you feel about yourself. When we have a low self esteem, we have a choice about whether to change this or not. The prospect of change can be daunting. The challenge of embracing this is however very worthwhile, with rewards not only in terms of how you feel bout yourself but also in the quality of your life.
The first task in changing our self esteem is to alter the way in which we view ourselves.
1.Instead of bombarding ourselves with an onslaught of negative comments, try to focus on the more positive aspects about yourself. This could include, PHYSICAL, PRACTICAL, PERSONAL, EMOTIONAL, ATTRIBUTES or things you are good at, PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS..
2. Try asking members of your family, colleagues, friends, how they would describe you. This may reveal a number of POSITIVE statements about you which are surprising and / or uplifting. (Note of caution, choose wisely!)
3. Write down POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS about yourself
4 .Pay more attention to your thoughts and feelings. When you are aware of these being critical, try challenging them or using THOUGHT STOPPING TECHNIQUES
5. Practise seeing yourself in particular situations when you feel CONFIDENT and good about who you are and the circumstances you are in. you are feeling comfortable. Feedback from others is POSITIVE. People are paying attention to you. You are maintaining good eye contact .Feed as much information into this exercise as possible. Pay attention to your body language and how you converse. Make sure you CHOOSE clothes to make the most of your physical attributes and feel CONFIDENT in them. Do you feel better wearing make up and perfume? Remember how it feels to have a stronger sense of SELF WORTH, to get POSITIVE FEEDBACK from others and from your own reaction.
6. You can proceed to use the lessons learnt from this exercise to go into the situation for real. You can enter it from a more CONFIDENT and less threatened stance.
7. Try not to leave a situation because of feelings of discomfort or anxiety.
This will only increase your fear of a situation at a higher level and give yourself negative feedback. This can be difficult to do.
It may be helpful to remember that if you suffer from any symptoms of anxiety these are only an exaggerated form of how we all feel from time to time.
They cause discomfort but are not life threatening. Placed in a difficult situation, your symptoms any increase but it will reach a peak and come down again. Try not to be afraid of this feeling and run away from the situation. If you need to, use BREATHING exercises to take control of the situation. If you manage your situation effectively in this way, you will get POSITIVE feedback from the experience resulting in you being less fearful in the future.
Alternatively, PLAN ahead;
Think of what would make you feel more comfortable by REHEARSING the situation in your head. This may alert you to any possible difficulties. It is then your task to generate ways of overcoming these difficulties.
It can be useful to decide beforehand that you are only going to stay somewhere for an hour. Giving yourself a time limit may make it easier for you to relax and stay in a situation .Even if you are enjoying yourself, it still makes sense to leave at the time you promised yourself and when things are going well. This will ensure you achieve POSITIVE feedback.
8. Remember how you felt when you last heard a friend say something POSITIVE about you or when they did something which made you feel appreciated and liked.
Spend less time concentrating on negative thoughts about you. Instead be more focussed on others.
Do or say things to others which will make them feel good. You will in turn get POSITIVE feedback from this boosting your SELF ESTEEM.
Try bringing in your neighbours wheelie bin, buying someone flowers, pay someone a compliment, invite someone to lunch, simply say thank you more often!
9. Put more FUN into your life.eg.
Share a joke .Try recalling something which has made you LAUGH heartily.
Watch a good comedy. Get out some old photographs. It is even better if you can share the experience with a friend. Share the LAUGHTER!
10. Get involved in some type of activity which will raise your CONFIDENCE.
People often resist the suggestion to attend a confidence building class. There is a place for them but it is perhaps not the best or the healthiest option, to put people together with others who have the same difficulty. Instead, try one of the following:
Join a drama, music, art, singing or art class, take up a contact sport, challenge yourself by commencing, rock climbing, canoeing, diving, golf etc.
You will benefit from having set yourself a GOAL or CHALLENGE and by the opportunity to express yourself in a different way.
You will definitely have something new and interesting to talk about.
If you have a family, you may choose an ACTIVITY which you can do together such as cycling .
Dance has the added benefit of being good FUN and brings you into contact with other people. SKIPPING can help increase bone density so is great for all of us over 40.Beware you are more likely to do this on your own. You could however go for a really nice walk somewhere and have your ropes in your pocket.
If you find it difficult to fit EXERCISE into your day:
Try WALKING instead of using transport .If you must drive, park a little way from your place of work. If you take a bus, get off a few stops from where you need to. Use stairs not the lift.
If you have a sedentary job, make a point of getting out of your chair regularly and take a WALK in the building. Have a brisk twenty minute WALK at lunch time. Try to get others ROPED in too!
This will offer opportunity to make a new group of friends. You will have a new shared interest and a sense of camaraderie. You may need to trust and be trusted by others.
You will have the opportunity to give and receive POSITIVE feedback and have
FUN!!!
11. Exercise is useful in enhancing SELF ESTEEM and will also benefit you by lowering your state of arousal. This means that more stress will be required for you to be affected by it. Increased muscle tone can help you feel more confident with how you look. Pick an exercise to meet your specific needs.
12 Stop comparing yourself with others. You will only come out of this disfavourably.
13. Stop judging others. More importantly-Stop judging yourself!
"May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.”
Solcarina
solkarina15.blogspot.com
Learn All of The Twitter Trick's Secrets and Strategies Right Now...
http://cbtopsites.com/s/cadc45
4 you...
masterkey.pdf
Many people enjoy being on their own and would choose this for themselves for at lest part of the time. They enjoy having their own space. They do not feel the need to have other people around all of the time to validate them or make them feel more comfortable.
If someone experiences feelings of LONELINESS; it is usually not influenced solely by where they are or whether other people are around. It is possible to be in a room full of people and still feel very much ALONE. You can be part of a social gathering and feel LONELY as you are on the periphery and not fully involved with what is going on.
This suggests that LONELINESS is a state of mind. It is tied up with how you feel about yourself. When we have a low self esteem, we have a choice about whether to change this or not. The prospect of change can be daunting. The challenge of embracing this is however very worthwhile, with rewards not only in terms of how you feel bout yourself but also in the quality of your life.
The first task in changing our self esteem is to alter the way in which we view ourselves.
1.Instead of bombarding ourselves with an onslaught of negative comments, try to focus on the more positive aspects about yourself. This could include, PHYSICAL, PRACTICAL, PERSONAL, EMOTIONAL, ATTRIBUTES or things you are good at, PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS..
2. Try asking members of your family, colleagues, friends, how they would describe you. This may reveal a number of POSITIVE statements about you which are surprising and / or uplifting. (Note of caution, choose wisely!)
3. Write down POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS about yourself
4 .Pay more attention to your thoughts and feelings. When you are aware of these being critical, try challenging them or using THOUGHT STOPPING TECHNIQUES
5. Practise seeing yourself in particular situations when you feel CONFIDENT and good about who you are and the circumstances you are in. you are feeling comfortable. Feedback from others is POSITIVE. People are paying attention to you. You are maintaining good eye contact .Feed as much information into this exercise as possible. Pay attention to your body language and how you converse. Make sure you CHOOSE clothes to make the most of your physical attributes and feel CONFIDENT in them. Do you feel better wearing make up and perfume? Remember how it feels to have a stronger sense of SELF WORTH, to get POSITIVE FEEDBACK from others and from your own reaction.
6. You can proceed to use the lessons learnt from this exercise to go into the situation for real. You can enter it from a more CONFIDENT and less threatened stance.
7. Try not to leave a situation because of feelings of discomfort or anxiety.
This will only increase your fear of a situation at a higher level and give yourself negative feedback. This can be difficult to do.
It may be helpful to remember that if you suffer from any symptoms of anxiety these are only an exaggerated form of how we all feel from time to time.
They cause discomfort but are not life threatening. Placed in a difficult situation, your symptoms any increase but it will reach a peak and come down again. Try not to be afraid of this feeling and run away from the situation. If you need to, use BREATHING exercises to take control of the situation. If you manage your situation effectively in this way, you will get POSITIVE feedback from the experience resulting in you being less fearful in the future.
Alternatively, PLAN ahead;
Think of what would make you feel more comfortable by REHEARSING the situation in your head. This may alert you to any possible difficulties. It is then your task to generate ways of overcoming these difficulties.
It can be useful to decide beforehand that you are only going to stay somewhere for an hour. Giving yourself a time limit may make it easier for you to relax and stay in a situation .Even if you are enjoying yourself, it still makes sense to leave at the time you promised yourself and when things are going well. This will ensure you achieve POSITIVE feedback.
8. Remember how you felt when you last heard a friend say something POSITIVE about you or when they did something which made you feel appreciated and liked.
Spend less time concentrating on negative thoughts about you. Instead be more focussed on others.
Do or say things to others which will make them feel good. You will in turn get POSITIVE feedback from this boosting your SELF ESTEEM.
Try bringing in your neighbours wheelie bin, buying someone flowers, pay someone a compliment, invite someone to lunch, simply say thank you more often!
9. Put more FUN into your life.eg.
Share a joke .Try recalling something which has made you LAUGH heartily.
Watch a good comedy. Get out some old photographs. It is even better if you can share the experience with a friend. Share the LAUGHTER!
10. Get involved in some type of activity which will raise your CONFIDENCE.
People often resist the suggestion to attend a confidence building class. There is a place for them but it is perhaps not the best or the healthiest option, to put people together with others who have the same difficulty. Instead, try one of the following:
Join a drama, music, art, singing or art class, take up a contact sport, challenge yourself by commencing, rock climbing, canoeing, diving, golf etc.
You will benefit from having set yourself a GOAL or CHALLENGE and by the opportunity to express yourself in a different way.
You will definitely have something new and interesting to talk about.
If you have a family, you may choose an ACTIVITY which you can do together such as cycling .
Dance has the added benefit of being good FUN and brings you into contact with other people. SKIPPING can help increase bone density so is great for all of us over 40.Beware you are more likely to do this on your own. You could however go for a really nice walk somewhere and have your ropes in your pocket.
If you find it difficult to fit EXERCISE into your day:
Try WALKING instead of using transport .If you must drive, park a little way from your place of work. If you take a bus, get off a few stops from where you need to. Use stairs not the lift.
If you have a sedentary job, make a point of getting out of your chair regularly and take a WALK in the building. Have a brisk twenty minute WALK at lunch time. Try to get others ROPED in too!
This will offer opportunity to make a new group of friends. You will have a new shared interest and a sense of camaraderie. You may need to trust and be trusted by others.
You will have the opportunity to give and receive POSITIVE feedback and have
FUN!!!
11. Exercise is useful in enhancing SELF ESTEEM and will also benefit you by lowering your state of arousal. This means that more stress will be required for you to be affected by it. Increased muscle tone can help you feel more confident with how you look. Pick an exercise to meet your specific needs.
12 Stop comparing yourself with others. You will only come out of this disfavourably.
13. Stop judging others. More importantly-Stop judging yourself!
"May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.”
Solcarina
solkarina15.blogspot.com
Learn All of The Twitter Trick's Secrets and Strategies Right Now...
http://cbtopsites.com/s/cadc45
4 you...
masterkey.pdf
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Add a Comment
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Comment by Shelly J. Bishop on May 9, 2009 at 9:24pm
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Lonliness is a state of mind. Believe it or not, it is a common fear. In a survey done, they discovered the most common fears people face are: The fear of 1) Poverty 2) Criticism 3) ill Health 4) Loss of a loved one 5) Old Age 6) Death
We all face certain fears at times in our lives; however, Fear is a state of mind. Fear, if allowed. Will rob you of the things that you are perfectly capable of doing. It causes worry, doubt, indecision, over-caution, procrastination,lonliness and numerous other conditions.
You must start overcoming it, by recognizing it; then redirecting your thought pattern to positive thoughts. I have several favorite Bible verses that I like to quote which help me overcome certain negative emotions.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me." (Psalm 23:4) As the old saying goes "A fear faced is often a fear defeated."
I joined in with a group you might be interested in. We meet once a week and I must admit, I look forward to it all week. It has really helped me overcome some of my fears. Go to www.30daycleanse.com and register. I would also like to recommend another article I wrote called "The Room- Which will you choose" You can read it at http://bestmentoringteam.com/the-rooms-which-one-will-you-choose/
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Comment by Timothy E. Maher (DFA) on May 9, 2009 at 8:15pm - Being lonely is a spirtual void calling out to be fixed...get back to the roots of your faith and get back on the path you were meant to live. GOD put you here for a purpose don't screw up the best business deal of your LIFE!
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Comment by Vicki Lynette Dennington on May 9, 2009 at 8:02pm -
We are all ultimately alone in life however we are interdependent on those around us. If we are fortunate to have someone close to us; a partner, a close friend or a close relative then we can spend time with them and not actually be alone in our daily life. People who live alone and spend a lot of time on their own may feel lonely however if they go out and interact with people in the community then they may forget themselves and feel less alone.
I work for myself and I interact with my clients and many have become friends. I can also email or ring other friends during the week as I am my own boss. I remember feeling lonely in many jobs where I was sitting at a desk with lots of paperwork, with other people around who had their own piles of paperwork to do. In order to get our work done, we did not speak much and if we were in conversation we felt uneasy if the boss came on the scene and our desks were usually spaced so that close conversation was difficult.
I remember feeling lonely at university even though I was surrounded by people. I went from a country town to a large city and there was no one from my school in my year. I had friends however I felt set apart by certain unpleasant experiences which had affected me emotionally and memories were always in my head.
I often see loneliness in the eyes of people with dark skins I see who have come in to our community. I want to reach out to them however I often don't know what to say. Still I have conversations with total strangers and smile and recieve smiles from people I do not know and this makes me feel surrounded by people I am actually in contact with.
Yesterday I was walking by the ocean and on a marina, and as I was looking down at the rocks with old oyster shells on them and fish swimming in reeds surrounding the rocks, I felt such a sense of belonging outdoors and love for the simple natural things around me. I had the thought that we love nature as we are human animals and we have come out of nature just as any other animal; we belong in the natural environment. We have separated ourselves from nature by pretending that we are not animals in need of the same things as other animals. We separate ourselves by more elaborate houses than caves, and more elaborate clothes than skins and furs, and more elaborate entertainment than the company of other people enjoying simple food, dancing, music, games and singing.
As a species of animal we are probably less connected to others than in our distant past as the sense of community and village and the simple entertainments we used to enjoy are no longer commonplace. The latter makes it more difficult for "human animals" to find themselves a mate. In Australia there are more single women than there are women with partners. There may be a shortage of men and this is ironic as the colony began with a shortage of women. Still there are many single men who are unable to find a suitable mate as well.
I also wonder if the feeling of desolation which accompanies loneliness is not somehow physiological. Do we feel like this when we are totally healthy in our minds and bodies from some lack of vitamin or mineral? Are we at such times maybe a little unwell in our minds or our bodies? I no longer have a partner and I spend a lot of time alone yet I don't feel lonely. I live with two relatives and if I go to any function or public space I usually reach out and talk and smile at others and before I know it I am not sitting alone and not just engaged with my own thoughts. I used to be very shy however I was physically attractive and laughed a lot, and people used to gravitate to me so I was not alone for long. At some point in my life I just decided that being shy was a waste of time and from that point on I made an effort to smile and talk to people wherever I am. I have never lived alone and I think that if I had to live alone, I might find that I become lonely. When I was younger I dreaded the possibility that i might end up living alone however now that I am older I think that I would be fine. I am a very active person and run out of time for all the things I do at home and when I go out I just enjoy the nature and the people and the walking etc.
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Comment by Mena Post on May 9, 2009 at 6:22pm - Amen! All your suggestions are great, and do help lessen feelings of lonliness and low self-worth. Now that I'm starting a new business, I often feel self-doubt and uncertainty about my future. But today, a friend told me he thought I was great at my job, and that I was well suited for my work. Did THAT make me feel good!
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Comment by Brian Grady on May 9, 2009 at 6:11pm - pablum pablum pablum
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Comment by Damaris Estela Navarro Guevara on May 9, 2009 at 5:43pm -
Yeah! Francis; could not agree more with you. You wont ever feel lonely once you've found yourself and learning to love oneself is the greatest feeling of all. You may be alone but neve feel lonely.
http://damy.mtw.travel
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Comment by Brian Martin on May 9, 2009 at 5:02pm
- Sorry About The Type area Loneliness
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- Your Right loness is a frame on the mind that's why GOD gave Us the Bible To Help Us deal with Loness
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Comment by John Schaeffer on May 9, 2009 at 4:55pm - Loneliness is a state of mind. I think that self-love compensates if you love yourself others will love you. In this modern age there is no real excuse to be lonely. There are singles clubs fun activities can be found often for free in most major cities around the globe. There are a zillion community websites to make friends . Heck if you are lonely and want to make some new friends i invite you to join my community website http://www.theparadiselost.net
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Comment by Keasha Notice on May 9, 2009 at 4:15pm -
Hi there,
I've experience most of the things you've mentioned in your post. When I was at high school, I had a load of good friends!
Now 13 years later, I've had a long line of broken friendships!!!! I've had some so-called friends have treated me like dirt!!! One of them stoled my boyfriend!!! Some just stopped to talking to me for unknown reasons!!! A few just drifted apart!!!! I have a lot of trust issues!!!! I spend most days on my own. I'm also a lone parent. I have a four-year-old daughter. She keeps me on my toes!!!! I feel lonely most of the time. I only have one friend that I talk to now over here in the UK.
It's really hard, but my faith in God is very important to me! What I've been through in the past 6 months was hell!!! If I didn't believe in God, I don't know what would've happened to me!!!
Thanks,
Keasha.
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